You Big Dummy

RNRHS returns next week with dear friends Jim Wilbur and Kerry Cantwell. In the meantime, I have a short update on writing and the book.

I’m more than 30,000 words into book two while I continue the agent search–one full manuscript out now (although if you asked me at this time last week, if would have been two, which sounds much more impressive), waiting on a handful of queries and submissions to small presses, and still have more queries to send. Each and every day, I wonder, will this be the day when something sticks? When it all comes together? The hours spent writing, revising, researching, worrying, questioning–will it all be worth it today?

When Emily was a baby, I remember going to sleep (also known as passing out) every night (also known as 8:30 PM) wondering if she would finally sleep through the night. Please, please, pretty please let this be the night. I can’t take another night like the last one. As cute as she was, very little is cute at three in the morning. Getting up with Emily was not a quick process–she would get all social and play with her feet, much like she does now when I ask her to clean her room.

When she was about four months old, I decided that we had to move Emily out of our room. I spent an entire week psyching myself up, warning Steve that it was going to be “hell”, making sure we did it on a weekend so that I could have his help in the middle of the night if needed. What a dummy I was. She slept nine hours that night. I was so giddy with excitement, that I woke Steve at 4AM to tell him that I had just slept six hours IN A ROW, to which he asked, “Why in the hell are you waking me up to tell me this?”

Every time I get a rejection, I ask myself if there’s something I’m not seeing. Am I just being a big dummy? Do I need to write a 57th draft of my query (not kidding)?  Would I be better off scrapping all of this and going to the job fair at McDonald’s (not kidding)? Should I be making my manuscript sleep in its own room? This is the nature of writing–constantly second-guessing yourself. It’s not a great combo for me. I can be convinced of almost anything if you make the right argument or bribe me with beer. So, bring on the beer. Today, I continue to forge ahead.